REFLECTIONS ON RAILS......

I visited my parents in Hyderabad on the weekend on the eve of Ugadi and I started for Bangalore in the evening .Train picked up full speed and I slowly went into my own world . Thoughts wandered on all topics and some serious questions popped up . And I started having conversations with my conscience . For once , I saw the time and I realized I spent 2 hours looking into the window with breeze on my ears making cacophonous sounds. More importantly Ive realized that I had lengthy conversations.

2 Hours !!! . huh ...That was quick .Time just flied . The reasons I always loved my train journeys is it amazes me how well I talk to myself . I have conversations from contradictory angles , which normally requires two different people , and finally I settle with one of those forms .I never understood what those lyrics meant in Silsila when Amitabh says "Main aur meri tanhayi aksar yeh baatein karthe hain..."(Click to See) until I had my own experience. There is some physhic notion in the sound of a train (dhadak , dhadak, dhadak, dhadak...) which resonates my brain to think and talk to myself . The same sound which changed my life , and throughout my life .....

I am not a kind of person who constantly dwell on my past , but I think about it to see if past holds some good memories or some learning's to take forward. My train journeys always took special place in my heart . Not revealing too much of why, how and what, I will narrate my bonding with them and only to the extent which makes sense .

I was in my childhood and the time when I was regular viewer of Mahabharat. My uncle ( read it as my godfather, Dad's bro ) , took me to Hyd to his place and he put me in an army camp . Yeah staying with him is nothing less than that , that too for a person like me who has no questions asked in a typical town where I live. Being an ex serviceman , he looks for perfection and also he had the knack of telling things hard but in an effective way . I did everything which I generally don't do at home . Getting up at 6 , working in the garden , to eating at regular intervals , to folding your bedsheets to what not ,just did everything . I finished my brief training camp and I was coming back to my place with him. He asked me in the train , " What did you learn from the last 10 days".I was afraid of him to answer back , and at the back of the mind I was thinking of going back early so that I can start playing cricket again , see TV at my own will , do whatever I like.Obviously I cant tell all that , I remained silent showing him a stupid smile . He said we have another 1 hour to reach home , you should tell me what did u learn in the last 10 days when we reach home. And out of fear , I started thinking by looking outside the window. That's where my rapport with the train started. Surprisingly at the end , I had few answers and he was impressed with me , he told me few more things which I will never forget in life . One of them is " You are not competing with your school members, I brought you to Hyd to show you how children at your age in Hyd are so fast , you are studying in Kazipet but you are also competing with all those people in the city as well , best way to get out of this competition is to improve yourself daily " . Ever since I have just done that . Just improved myself and never compared myself with anyone. He was a far sighted person, he knew my future is dependent on how I compete with the people in the cities.

I grew up , scored a wonderful entrance score and since diploma fits my financial bill I joined it,Life went no where from there, Life for a diploma graduate was pathetic then , No opportunities , Colleges doesn't run, disappointments , sad stories,unhappy people . Those were the most memorable and frustrating days of Life.3 Long Years,I shouted in silence and cried every second inside , whenever the thought of me doing diploma came upto me when I could have done anything in life . At school,I was brilliant in Maths and Science ,but its of no use now . Frustration sinked in, and so to the core that even if I tell my friends around me , I would get a standard reply " You are topper of the college , I will slap you if you talk.You have no rights to talk" . Obviously no one was seeing what I was seeing.There was no future for any of us and our seniors were live examples . Hailing from a middle class limited financial background , every time I took 50 bucks from my home even if it was to buy a book , the feeling that I may not be able to return it anytime in my life , Ate me up. And the Only good thing which was happening to me , is the pain of not doing what I could do in my life , it somehow did wonders to my appetite eventually . I went Hyd on some work again and on my way back I took a never-reach-destination train called as "Push-Pull".I had ample of time to talk to myself again . The train track noises told me many things , All of sudden , I had hope from no where . I now have a dream , I wanted to work for DTP printers who at that time used to pay 1500 rupees if you can work good on Word and Other DTP Software's. And thereafter I worked towards it , Tried to maintain my academics , And finally to do my project I walked every shop for almost 3 days ( Thanks to Ravi Kiran*), and then I found Bajaj company who agreed to give me a project. Long story cut shot , Staying Away from home , Did my project in an internet center where my friend ( Thanks to Jagadeesh*) was working . I used to quietly get onto a vacant machine ,connect floppy drive and I used to start working on my project if no customer comes to the shop . Time was precious because Customer can come anytime and all this used to happen without the knowledge of the shop owner. I Slept on the roads , ate just a dosa a day for 15 days. Yes, even I was thinking why it is happening with me , it should happen only in movies right ?.


I wanted to do engineering and thought that would remain a dream or at least , would take years to get there . Yes , if you are gritty enough , my seniors say you can get an engineering seat if you can try for consecutive 2 long terms , and by dedicating day and night towards it . Opportunities from diploma was less ,it is something even my direct juniors cant understand because things took a complete "U" turn in just 1 year for them.For us, Competition was huge . And my Self Belief was lacking . I never prepared for entrance exam , I gave up much before the exam was conducted . There was crash course coaching centers only in Hyderabad and in Vijayawada .First I thought I shouldn't waste my fathers money and then I went because many friends were joining and I thought it will be an experience which will help me in future preparation. Seeing the people's madness in Hyderabad, and knowing that people of my batch were preparing from 3 years taking advantage of coaching centers in their home town , Me along with my friends skipped saying we will start afresh next year . We kind of enjoyed with heavy heart in Hyderabad and we started back home with 1 week left for the exam. I was standing in the train and I was thinking about the 4000 rupees my dad has given me for the coaching which I utterly wasted utilizing . My conscience was hitting me , and the train sound was slapping me on my face . I said fine , let me give a try , I promised to myself that I will give my best shot in the next 1 week . I read everything I could , and I wrote the entrance exam . Results were yet to be announced . But my final year results were announced much before, I went to Hyderabad to clarify that I cleared with good percentage and when I checked with the examination board , to my surprise I was among the top 20 in the state in the overall 3 years. I never knew I was doing so good in academics otherwise I would have done even better for myself I thought . Its too late now . And again I traveled back home in the train , the train spoke to me again ,it gave me lot of confidence . I was now all pumped up to try for next year . And then magic happened, results were announced and I got 150+ rank in the entrance exam . I had the option of joining the 4 year course along with the gems of the state or chose a short cut , join a 3 year course in a remote college somewhere . I took the challenge . I chose the former and I got into one of the best colleges in the state .

Life stood at the same point where I started . I had to start again from zero as I never had any idea about any of the subjects.My aim was to maintain the record of never failing an exam in life. I got very moderate marks in my first year and I was coming back from holidays and the train made me speak to myself , asked me to fight back again.I regained my confidence thereafter and the results showed in positively,aggressively and exponentially with every semester ( Not that I studied all the time , I was a typical one day batsmen but a responsible batsmen ).


Third year arrived , I failed my first campus interview written test because I was not able to answer some 12th class questions , which I never studied in life. Life is unfair again. And then the story repeated with each company. I never understood why me answering a 12th Class Mathematics formula is important to get a software job. I was put into similar tests one company after another. And what hurted me more is I am yet to attend my first interview . I wanted to shout "Give me a chance , See my face , at least talk to me once and then reject " . I was denied opportunity to show what I am .Never tears came in eyes in any situation , I was always tough,but not anymore . I wanted to spend some time for myself.I went back home , again in the train , and by the time I reached home , the breeze in the train cleared my tears and it told me the story I always knew . It just reminded me of my past , it showed the person within me who has agreed to work for 1500 rupees and it showed me my journey. I had a strange grit after that . Spent some time at home and I came back and HCL happened .First company to ask me questions related to what I studied over the years. I was the only one to get through from my college.


June 4 2005 , I left for Bangalore , and my 12 hour train journey gave me an opportunity to think about my new dreams. As usual , Life again started tough , My 3-year tough period came back , It again had everything to make me suffer . I Went through a personal trauma , had Challenges at work , Struggled for survival, Needed to prove myself ,expectations , constantly awaiting unrealized dreams , Lost personality , Did Soul Searching. And Ever since , time and again ,my train journey, gave a nice little talk to myself , made me realize my mistakes , made me argue with myself , gave solace when I badly needed a hug and a voice . It just did the same thing again , showed me where I started and how I struggled , how I failed and how I won it again , it showed me the person who was willing to work for 1500 rupees and then suddenly all my problems in front of me used to became small .That talk always made me a better person. Not that I have achieved so much in life . I have just started now and all I know is whatever I have done so far is just home work and as Robert Frost says " I have promises to Keep , and miles to walk , before I sleep ...." .

I don't know if I was talking to my reflections or the train was enacting that character for me . I really don't know and I don't want to know the truth and separate them . The nature around us is strange , it tries to talk to you in strange languages , sometimes in the sound of a train whistles , sometimes in the form of the waves which touch the shore and your feet , sometimes in the form of breezes which talk something in your ears .You just have to listen to the one which is talking to you , and when you can talk back , you talk to yourself and then the Magic Happens . ......


Ravi Kiran *, Jagadeesh * are the people who helped me at crucial junctions. One for helping me to find a project and other helping me with a machine to work on. Can Never forget their favour.

ITS MY BIRTHDAY !!

It has become a common ritual now , Prashanth and Archana call me before I wake up ( I dont blame them , not their mistake , some how I sleep late on this day ) and then I speak up , slowly opening my eyes and we exchange our wishes .They wish me on my birthday and I wish them both "Happy Anniversary". And then I immediately enter into a confrontation mode with Archana that its her turn of throwing a party . We look ways to refer to the pending parties which are cleverly designated as "Beautiful day" , "Wonderful Day" , "One fine Day" by some of our friends ( Long story, cant explain in detail , some other time ) . Neither of us agree on something concrete and Prashanth breaks our discussion saying "Lets meet up in the evening" and we hang up.

I get up thinking "So , its your birthday , So What am I supposed to do now ? " . Not that I dont remember my moms words ringing in my ears from last night " Get up in the morning , Go to temple " . I get up but fail to visit the temple , something stops me from doing it . Of couse , I have ready made reasons to tell my mom before she complains.

As a child , it was all that good . Buddies wish you in anticipation that you would end up giving them chocolates. And I always dissapointed many people. I used to call my usual buddies to my home . Every one turns up in the evening and my mom cooks nice biryani and feeds them all. It was good because people used to come to my home and we enjoyed a lot. Probably thats why I liked my birthday then. In my teens , my 4 little buddies from school who still remember my birthday used to come with a gift and I used to take them to a remote dhabha in Warangal everytime. We would complete 1 beer each and walk out with stuffed sweet pans so that it doesnt smell and we walk and look normally at home . I still doubt it was a convincing act for my parents to believe . It was the only day , when all the 4 used to meet me at once and I liked my birthday because of that . With time , the definition of Birthday changed in my life and so did my idea of a birthday . Slowly I somehow dint enjoy this day . I never told anyone about my birthday and nor did I like anything about it .Every birthday after my teens , I sit quietly and ask myself " So tell me Vicky what does your birthday mean to you ? " . I have 100 thoughts coming to my mind , but nothing convincing to satisfy myself.

I always failed to seperate my birthday from my other days , I sleep the same , I walk the same , I think the same . Yeah , I remember this day changes my fate in terms of age , like finishing 20's to entering 30's , I understand it makes a big difference to many , not to me . Some tell me "Go have a blast , drink and get high" . Yeah , I do that occasionally , so that doesnt make this day special ? .

With years of thoughts ,I had to come to an unanimous conclusion that, dont tell anyone , keep it off in FB/Orkut , just live as it is .Now , I dont believe in birthdays , I am the same bad man yesterday , I will be the same man today , probably it will not change anything tomorrow . The only thing I probably like about the concept of birthday is " I like people remembering me specially on this day" and nothing else. And next time dont be surprised when you see me throwing parties on others birthday and gifting them presents , thats because I dont like them to give the treat instead I would host a party and make them feel that I remember them dearly on their birthday . Yes , its a big thing in this changing world . I think this sentence would make more sense to you with years to come.

This year too , I went to office , did my best to justify my salary , and I walked off little early , Prashanth asked me , to be there @ 7:30 . I followed his instructions and reached there thinking I must be late . No , I was the early bird . Both Archana and Prashanth arrived with their cute girl and we exchanged greetings. Shortly joined by Dileep and Ramya, other close allies of mine. Conversations kicked off , one started pulling other , one complained about one's food preparations , one complained about investing Masala Dosa on one , the usual pranks continued ..... There was a time I almost went back in time , moments of past started appearing in front of me .

I still remember , me walking up to Prashanth and Archana and telling them " Guys , you have to work on 18 Jasper reports , which needs to be changed " . And before I doing my calculations , they would have told themselves " You take 9 , I will take 9 ". They started by sharing their work and now they share their lives . Sometimes I feel probably thats the reason they like me and call me for everything that happens in their lives . Thats Because I gave them work together .

I remember moments like when I once went to Dileep when he just joined as a fresher and I asked " How are you doing with your task ?" . He replied " I am first trying with a sample application , I think I will complete it in X time". I never intended to ask his delivery time , I was just making him comfortable but was puzzled with his typical fresher reply , "Answer with a timeline attached ". I could understand his reply seeing the project pressure around . I smiled back and left . He later on ,was with me in thick and thin times.

Ramya , i always knew about her more from her friends but never in person , probably it is out-of-fear or chosing not to speak with strangers we never spoke much , Once on a weekend , I was working at office and I was playing a song called "Aao Na " from "Kyun ho gaya na " and she hesitatingly and carefully asked whether I could share her this song . She must have double thought of it before asking me . She looked so frightened then. Now we get along well.

With all these thoughts rolling scene by scene , It took a phone call to bring me back to my senses. Now that I am with all those people from the past , when I think , it makes me feel how everyone knitted along so well with time , and did well in their lives . I get a feeling like I was standing still while these guys grew up , ditched the dust around , packed me up and taken me along with them . It feels so so good to think back.

As all good things come to an end , our short stint of time had to end , We all left greeting everyone "Bye" and I left with lots of striking memories .

I reached home and when I sat down , I felt the happiness I used to feel in my childhood . Dont know this is how one needs to spend a birthday or this is the way it was actually designed to be - Spend with someone who can make you remember your past , both good and old times ? . I never agreed on one particular definition of birthday , but I am sure this is not going to happen just once a year , this is definitely going to repeat itself , but Im glad this time it happened on my birthday giving some meaning to it.

PS : Ramya,Dileep,Prashanth and Archana - If you are reading this , Thanks for being part of my memories and for making me remember once in a while.

'నా' కోసమా , 'నీ' కోసమా , 'మన' కోసమా ?

నువ్వు నాకు ఎలా కావాలి అంటే !!!!!! .....

నా కష్టాలకి నీ కన్నీళ్ళ ధారగా,

నా సంతోషాలకు నీ నవ్వు ప్రతిబింబం గా ,
నా ఇంటి దీపంగా,

నా కంటి రూపంగా,
నా కడ శ్వాసగా,

నా ప్రతి ద్యాసగా,

నా చేతి స్పర్శగా,

నా నోటి మాటగా,

నా నరకానికి స్వర్గంగా,

నా విరహానికి అర్ధంగా,

నా ఆనందానికి అద్దంగా ,

నా కష్టాలకి ఖడ్గం గా.....

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అవును ఇంతకి నేను అంటే నీకు ఇష్టమేగా ???????

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Now a days , I see poeple dream before they tell the girl/boy how they feel ,

Adagaane Avunu antundha,

Abhiprayam ledhu antundha,

Arey chi po anni thanthundha ,

anni kuda alochinchakunda , they just dream for themselves .I know most of the movies work like that but not in reality ( leave the lucky few ).The role of the partner in this convincing/proposing act is just them saying "Yes".

I wantedly wrote this poem, with "Naa" because now it has become so self centric that the decisive factor is "About what I want", and is not about "What you also should give back" . Does it work this way ? . Cant there be some common goals , some goals which are your partners but not yours ? . Some goals to lose and to make your partner win ? .

Well I am not a master , but its definitely for you to do some soul searching ...All the Best ! .

Mirage of Immortality...

6 Months Back , I went on a wonderful trip to Himalayas . I had an immaculate experience to not only have a closer look at mother nature but also got a chance to meet some wonderful people of different generations and from different parts of the country , who are still in touch with me . Thanks to FB ! .

To Single out one such name of the lot was Sanjivani Gawankar , close one's used to call her "Sanju" and new comers around like me, call her "Sanju Aunty" . My first impression was that she is just another "Aunty".

My First encounter with her was on the first day when we took an acclimatization walk. The moment we reached the destination we all fell down on our knees like a pack of cards . But Sanju Aunty's energy was still not down . She along with her long standing colleagues started dancing while others were singing Marathi songs . I still remember when someone said we need a girl to dance . She came running and shouted in her husky voice "Main hoon na Item girl ", and she was laughing with a tongue in cheek .Not that she really meant what she said . She just wanted to have fun and also make others day along with it . Later on , we came to know that the self proclaimed item girl was 50 years old and a banker.

Aunty Dancing on the peak ...

On my every day trek , blame it on the age or the sheer excitement to see whats there beyond those lush green sceneries or those high raised tempting mountains ,but I used to be among those people in the first line of action who used to lead the trek . I used to just start running when the guide used to call "Chalo !". And then I used to find this lady hovering just around me with the same enthusiasm . She just dint walk , she was a moving bundle of energy always commenting , joking and interacting with the people around .

She interacted with those young budding engineers , She spoke to the college joinees , She spoke to the middle aged men , She spoke to the porter girls and woman and she would always be tighter with her level headed veterans. She shifted topics from engineering drawing drafters to girl friends to playing pranks with guys linking them to beautiful porter girls , to making high level serious decisions depending on whom she was interacting .

Bhagat ji and Aunty playing prank giving an impression that they were trying to escape on a slant ice on an otherwise parallel ground .

At one moment , she would take care of one of those kids who came along with their troop and in another she would shift to the next kid playing with them. I wondered who were her actual kids and when someone else asked her the same question she replied "Sab mere bachein hain, Mera bada bacha idhar nahi hain bas " . I couldn't get what she actually meant at that point of time, I skipped through the conversation happening there .

Aunty kissing one of the kid on the block

She used to ask each and every one's names , their place , their background . She used to find it difficult to remember some of our South Indian names ( understandably ) and every day morning she used to verify it with us whether she remembers the names correctly along with our background. It showed she genuinely wanted to identify and relate each one of us .

She was not well in between due to dehydration side effects , and yet she carried on with the same momentum . I used to wonder seeing the energy in her , because some of my youthful friends were themselves struggling to put one step after another . She was a fighter in her own terms . And I used to be the silent admirer of her determination .

When we reached Thila lotni , a higher altitude place in Himalayas . I and some of my friends had the opportunity to talk in length with her and other aunties ( total 5 ) . Its important to mention about others too while I talk about Sanju Aunty . All were bankers , all ex national kabaddi players . I was told , the eldest lady among them at the age of 56 was the state's prestigious Chattrapathi Shivaji awardee. I immediately knew that there is more than what meets the eye . I couldn't hold back on asking Sanju Aunty - " Aunty , how come you are here at this age, I cant imagine my mom coming here ."

She replied "Kya kare hum logon ko abhi permission mila hain , All our life we had to work and take care of our family . Now since they are all relatively settled now , its our show time .My son is in UK studying structural engineering .Just like you friends , we also came with our friends , just that we are little older than you , just a little old huh " - she giggled ". I knew that the people I see in front of me , are from those early breed of women empowerment , the original multi- taskers, who put their family in front of their desires and are no way less than the other men at work and are now present to have their share of their life , reviving their youthful days . Our conversations ranged from discussing our cultures to our careers . We had a good conversation and had a nice time . I wanted to capture this moment in my camera but I resisted to ask for one . I have to Thank Mahi here . He asked for it and said " I will take one pic ". All the aunties said "Yes" , you are also like our son's. Sanju Aunty said - " Photo zaroor bhejna humein , yaad rakhenge sabko " .

The pic on which she commented on FB " With my sweet kids , 1 to my left and 1 to my right "

Days went ahead , I used to give a hand here and there and help her on the trek and we got along well with those tiny conversations on the way.

9 Days went off in a splash of sight making wonderful unforgettable memories on the way . I along with my friends were the first to leave the camp. Aunty called us ,she gave her email id , and said "Mumbai aana kabhi , directttt ghar ko aa jao , number likho mera " . She added " Mein Facebook mein hoon , mera bete se baat karthi na mai , Uss mein photo alag hain , aise track pant pahenke nahi rahoongi , usmein chudidhaar pehenke typical marathi aunty jaisa rahoongi , woh bhi mein hi hoon confuse mat hona " .

We all said Goodbye's to one another and parted our ways . At that time , we were not sure if we would see them again .

As soon as we went back to our regular day to day lives ,we were as usual busy bee's . The internet (Facebook) saved our relationships . Everyone started adding everyone , people started sharing pictures . Especially Pics from Arvindji and Mahesh were outstanding . Comments were floating around here and there

Sanju Aunty used to come online late in the evening , to talk to her son . And me being FB Savvy being online most of the times , she would ping me most of the times and ask what I am upto , She would tell how her days are going , she would say each and every person by name , ask about their well being . If she likes a status message , she would encourage our thoughts . Whenever she comes online , she would ping , and this would happen not only with me , but with each of us at sometime or the other .

Sanju Aunty is the most fav aunty among the people . She would claim , now her husband Mr. Harish ( he was not part of the trip) also knew each one of us because she kept talking about each one of us and he would relate us with our online pics . I must admit , she cant get over Mahesh's Paris Pics . She just loved it . Sometimes I got bored hearing about the same pics from her . She claims if any one comes to their house , Uncle would open Facebook and show all the pics .

Just when things were going fine , life took a complete new turn ....

In the last 6 years , for the first time I got a chance to spend close to 15 days with my family . I was at home and in comes a FB Message from one of my friend (Bhagat ji), which says "Sanju Aunty is no more " . I couldn't believe what I read and I was shell shocked . I immediately googled and I found the news article which says She has met with an accident and is no more. I couldn't react , I just jumped off my computer . I was restless ,the memories from the past started haunting me .I couldn't come to terms with the fact that the person with whom I was chatting 20 days back for long hours , is just not there anymore . I went out to change my mood , I sat at one my friends place , but I was still reminiscing all the chat conversations I had and specially the last chat excerpts . The promise she made to me " Tumhari Shaadi mein zaroor bulana ,mein pukka aaongi , Aur Mujhe South mein bhi ghoomna hain " .

I was disturbed , 2 days passed by and I was trying to divert my mind . I was talking and laughing with my mom but I was somewhere missing the other mom . If I think along , her voices would appear.Other fellow trekkers almost shared the same grievance in the mails . All I did is to refrain from using FB for some days .

The fact is that this too shall pass by . Time would finally allow pain to alleviate ,but the void created for the family members ,her son and the people in the close circuit would be irreplaceable .

I personally think it would have helped those growing kids playing hopscotch in the surroundings who would have called her "Aayi" . She would have told them how to stay grounded while you grow , She would have told how a women should manage everything . How to smile and make people smile . How to spread love .

As in mythology , Hanuman brought "Sanjivani" booti to save the life of Lakshman . Sanju aunty has lived to her name . She with her energy has given the passion to live to the fullest and spread the power to love to many people around. She is a true example of "Celebration of Being Alive".

I thought off and I thought long , This is just one angle to this story . Likewise I am sure , there would be many voices which would join me in talking about such "Sanjivani's" . All we have to do is to just learn one thing . This Life is just a mirage of Immortality and it is indeed immortal but only if you make it one .

She might have left this place , but her good deeds done , love shown , would be living with others life . And Yes , she is still alive in others life . Life is Immortal .

Life is lot of promises, dreams and memories ,
Its a mirage of Immortality .
And It takes everything away within a stroke of time ,
This is Cruelty ,
This is Life's Reality ,
But its up to you how do you make it look as Immortality.....


In Memory of Dear Sanju Aunty . Miss you and your energy around . I Mean it ! .

ఎండ వానల ఇంట పుట్టిన ఇంద్రధనుశుక్కు ఆయువు ఎంతో ,
కంటి పాపల తోటి కళలకు కలిసి బ్రతికే కాలం ఎంతో ,
తెలుపగలవా ఓ మనసా ??,
డోలలు ఊగే ఇ బ్రతుకు వరుస !!

నువ్వేనా....

రూపం లో చిలకమ్మ లా , ( పొట్టి పిల్ల లే ..)
తేనె తొట్టి లాంటి నీ బాష లా ,
లేడీ జింకలా ఆడే నీ కనుల ఆట లా ,
కోపం లో నిప్పుల కొండ లా ,
చిన్నారిల కల్మషం లేని కిల కిల నవ్వు లా ,
పువ్వు పై వాళే తూనీగకూడా మరిపించే , నీ పెదవి పై వాళే నాలుక లా ,
కుందేలు చర్మం వంటి సునితమైన నీ చర్మం లా,
వెర్రి ఎక్కించే లాగ వునావు గా !!

నిన్నేనా నా మనసు కోరుకుంటుంది నిన్నే నా ?,
ఇన్నాలు నేను ఎదురు చూసింది నీకేనా ? ,
నువ్వే నా ఎద లో కురుకుపోతుంది నువ్వేనా.

నవ్వుతు మాట్లాడినట్టే వుంటావు ,
మెలిగా "ఛి" పో అని నా పై అలుగుతావు ,
ఇది నీకు తగునా ??,

ఏంటో ........................... ,
నీ మాయ మాటల్లో పడిపోతుంటే ,
నీ నవ్వులో కళ్లు కలిపి పాడుతుంటే ,
నీ చూపుల్లో ప్రతి నిమిషం ఆడుతుంటే ,
నీ అడుగుల సడి లో నా మనసు లాగుతుంటే ,
నీ కను సైగాలకు పిచ్చి ఎకుతుంటే ,
ఇవ్వని మనసుకి తెలుస్తుంటే ,
అయిన అది ముందుకు నేడుతుంటే ,
నాకే తెలియని నొప్పి కలుగుతుంటే ,
మగాడు అనిపించే మగతనం వున్నా ,
అసలు నా చేతులో ఏమైనా వుందా ???....

ముని లా వున్నా నన్ను , నువ్వు చెడ కొడుతునా ,
నేను తడుస్తూ , నీకు గొడుగు పడుతునా ,
"అరేయ్ ఏముందే మీ ఆడ వారిలో " అన్ని వెయ్యి సార్లు అనుకున్నా ,
జీవితం లో అది మాత్రం నాకు అర్ధం కాలేదు రా చిన్న !! ..

ఆఖరికి నన్ను నేను పిచ్చి వాడిగా అనుకున్నా ,
తన జ్ఞాపకాలను నా ఎద లో నింపుకున్నా !!!

Tried emoting the feelings of a guy , after seeing his helplessness to manage the "love" offered and the "struggle" which comes with it ,after seeing his face full of confusions of commitments, And after seeing the way he was being controlled by his girlfriend with her eyes and expressions .

I dedicate this to the girl , who came without any warning , and who left without any permission on my train journey , making my journey memorable . Thanks for inspiring me to write on you , Wish you could also read this ......

Written on 19 - May -2009 . Posting here today ......

Love ,
Vicky

NOSTALGIC RIDE......

If I start talking I will be called as being NOSTALGIC,
But this day was really Pure MAGIC.

They Say "Every day is not a Sunday",
And I was made to realize it only on Sunday.

Its a day when I went back into my MEMORIES,
And I had no choice except to stand in the midst of the FLURRIES .

I was thinking and roaming in a vehicle as a REGAL ,
And My Destination just happened to turn out as WARANGAL.

I saw myself again in front of my EYES,
Which totally broke my hard ICE.

Even Before I could sense its FEEL,
Each frame rolled on REEL by REEL.

I Was where I used to climb the TREES,
Knowing there can be many HONEY BEES.

I Was where I used to go to my SCHOOL,
Which made me COOL from a FOOL.

I Was where I used to Sleep on the FOOTPATH,
Passing each day of financial hurdles as a WARPATH.

I Was where I used to run and scat all ALONE ,
When my future was never looking like my very OWN.

I was where I used to restlessly fall APART,
When the two kids always asked "Anna Lets Bat !"

I was where I started my LIFE,
Which I cannot forget even if I cut myself with a KNIFE.

I know every day is not a Sunday ,
But not all Sundays were such a Sweet Pain Day.

Post Script : Written with sub conscious mind , after being drunk , overjoyed after seeing the two kids who used to play cricket with me , grow so big and now who are up as a Steam . Overjoyed by seeing my engineering roommate getting married and obviously overjoyed by revisiting my old memories .

These Words will just be the pen of my ART,
But the real joy is still pounding inside my HEART.
Which will never ever DEPART.

Love,
Vicky

Dated : 05-Apr-2010

LIVING A DOG'S LIFE........

In the little life I had so far , I came across good and bad moments in mine as well as others life . When I hear about good experiences, I see people coming up with different words , expressions and sometimes there is no limit of words for expressing happiness . But , In all intense situatuons of expressing tough and bad moments , one would hear people ending up saying -" I was literally living a dogs life" . And this term has always fought with my conscience. I seldom asked myself what does "Living a dogs Life" actually mean . And why is that it is always typecasted to express negative things ?

I would like to tell you a small story . A very short one this time .

" Veterinarian John ,has been called for examining 10-year labrador named "Snowy".The house owner , his wife and their 7-year old boy ,Charles were expecting a miracle.John examined and found that he was dying of cancer and informed they hardly have time for its death.He said he could give mercy killing for it . And the pets owners accepted it , not seeing the dogs pain.

Charles was petting the dog for the last time and his parents thought it is OK , for him to stay coz he wouldnt understand much . Charles Mom asked him to say bye to the dog and he went and kissed it and whispered something in its ears. John did his work and Snowy quietly slipped away. Charles Mom was disturbed and she was in tears . And Charles dad and Mr John were convincing her that after all its a animal and explaining the sad part that it lives shorter than human lives . John observed that Charles was unmoved and he wondered whether the kid understood anything. Charles Mom continued to cry and she screamed "Why ? Why ?".

Charles who was quiet till then piped out , he said "I know Why". Everyone stopped talking and were looking at Charles . He was petting the dog with his little hands and said these words - " People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life , and then they try to be good , like being nice and loving everybody . Right ?". He continued -" Well, dogs already knew how to do that , so they dont have to stay as long ".

I too once had a cute little puppy . I saw it probably when it is just out of its mothers womb , I found it on the road side . I never knew what it feels like breeding a dog . But the way it saw in my eyes , I guess it was Love at first sight . I brought it home . Seeing its milky white face and fur , we named it as "Snowy" .

I witnessed its life totally . Snowy sees you as if it can understand you .It plays with you as if it has got no other friend.It eats only when it is fed .It shares everything it has got without even uttering a single word . Of course, it barks out when we(humans) ignore or cant understand what it is saying .I still remember the way it jumps/attacks on someone , who even for a joke acts/tries to beat my mom even if it was me .My mom is everything for it .It lived as if its life is not for him but for the people around it .When it went off , it created a huge void in me ,for days and for years. The impact was such that I never dared to have a pet dog again.Everything happened like in those so many movies we see , but to tell you long story short ,it was with us for 1.5 years and when it took its last breath , it was in my arms and we both were drenching in the rain . The rain washed the happiness we shared forever but not the memories I had with it.

I feel the greatest life led is when you live for others . And that is what humans also preach. And that is why people like Mother Teresa ,Nelson Mandela or Mahatma Gandhi are treated as Gods. They all said that's what we call "Living a Life" means .And when a dog shows it how to live a complete life ,it is called a Dogs Life . No doubt , it sleeps outside , it eats only when someone throws food , but how different are we ? . Im also eating coz some one feeds my bank account, which I call it as "My Money" .Unfortunately unlike me , dogs dont have call centers to query -"Wheres my money?". But still it does what it does better , most of the time not expecting much from you.

Sometimes I think , Did human beings give higher status to any other living being in this world apart from human beings ? . The answer is NO ( Have We ?) .We have never given it.We always made sure that we being intellectuals , with the growing science and with our fast paced lives have ensured that the greatest living being on this planet is only "HUMANS" .and I am not surprised , we calling its Life as "Just a Dogs Life". All the Good things of a Dogs Life are kept aside , and what is being projected is just the incomfortbaly comfortable life .Isnt this a hippocrisy ? .

When I think the way it lived its life , its great and its a dream for me . I wish I could live so nicely in such a crisp short time . And having experienced such a life , I never came to terms with people saying "Living a dogs Life" to express their dejected,sad or tough moments in life .

I am not writing to show my outburst nor I am emotional ,but I am just sharing my thoughts that touch me on the fly and next time after reading this , if it makes you think once before calling a "Dogs Life" ,then the very purpose of this post is satisfied.

Even though I share the same sanguine of humans , I am buoyant enough to say that I would like to Live a Dogs Life and Next time someone calls me a Dog [ I have a friend who calls me so :-) ], I will instead think that I am on track. What About you ? .

Miss you Snowy ,
TRYING to Live your Life,
Love,
Vicky